In Search of... better Beer

This is Dinkels Buhl Germany. It's like they have a different word for everything here that is kind of like the "real" word.

I am looking for good beer, but I decided to rock out with a local music first. Turns out he is just a poser. A damn good poser, but a poser all the same.

Germany

Well, what did you think I was going to do in Germany?!

This is some place call Ellwangen. All I know is my beer is warm.

The Airport... Again

Well, 

Goldie wouldn't lay off the Germany thing. So this morning he insisted on driving me to the airport. I think he was still buzzing but, I had nothing better to do anyway. I kind of forgot why I came to England.  What ever it was, I', sure I kicked it's butt.

Here are some pictures of me and the Golden Knight before he totally got busted by Heathrow security for setting off every metal detector in the place. Good luck Goldie, I'm out of here.

The Golden Knight was Right

The Indian food was awesomely good. The Golden Knight dropped by with a message and we had some drinks together. He got so drunk. He just stood there like a statue. "Duuuuuh I'm the Golden Knight. You have to go to Germany. There you will find yourself."

I was all like "Dude give me your keys, cuz I Love you man."

Then I threw up.

The Golden Knight

The Golden Knight said I should just go have a beer and maybe try and get some Indian food.
I don't normally argue with Golden Knights, but I think I desire two beers.

Bored Penguin Bored

There is a good chance I have been misled by the Russian. Hear is another picture of the Castle.

p.s. The restrooms here are in serious need of attention.

Still Waiting

The Russian is a little late.

I wonder if there is any squid in this moat?

Kirby Castle

I am meeting the Red Cow Russian at Kirby Castle. Kirby Castle was a very short man. I think he is bald an invented the vacuum cleaner. Any way... I'm waiting ton the Russian.

Doopy doopy doop.

I am gonna karate chop the Russian when he gets here.

namaste

Let's say the haggus didn't turn out.

Haggus in Red Sauce

Although there are many recipes for haggus, it is normally made with the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver, and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately an hour. It somewhat resembles stuffed intestines (pig intestines otherwise known as chitterlings), sausages and savory puddings of which it is among the largest types. Most modern commercial haggis is prepared in a casing rather than an actual stomach. There are also meat-free recipes specifically for vegetarians which supposedly taste similar to the meat-based recipes. I find it's best when made with squid. Of course then it is reffered to as Squidus.

Ugh.... Yeah

So..... I know I was at the Red Cow, and I may of had a little to drink. But, when I woke up this morning I was in a box with a tortoise. Its not a very talkative tortoise, but it gave me a ride to the kitchen. Maybe I met this tortoise in the pub and my top secret spy skills kicked in and this tortoise will lead me to a special mission or contact.
Well, in the mean time... I'm going where the tortoise takes me.

The Red Cow and the Pint of Tiger

It's horrible. The mental challenge of maintaining my cover and still trying to infiltrate the Russian underground in England is quite stressful. It's a game of patience and precision. Any false move could risk disaster. Lives are at stake, and I can't help but feel that overbearing responsibility with every pint I'm forced to drink.

I am going by the name Boris Grebenshikov. I'm a beer drinking lad from Leningrad who loves the Eurythmics. It's too bad you can not hear my Russian accent, because it is dead on.

I think the bartender should be able to get me into the back room. He says his name is Jon, but he is definitely an Igor or something.

If the fate of the world relies on my drinking here all week. So be it. I'm that kind of penguin.

Yup. It's the Russians

We're at the Russians hideout. A place called the Red Cow. They are a clever lot. The Coopers and I are going in. There will most likely be trouble. The Coopers may not make out. I expect my spy training will kick in, so I will be fine.

Cheers!

Lefty Cooper

My contacts are taking me on a top secret mission. This is Mr. Cooper and I discussing the details. It has something to do with a red cow. I think that's code for the Russians.

Cooper

So I'm hanging out wondering what the heck a jacket is, if you don't wear it, and this tiny spy car pulls up. This dashing looking gentleman gets out and says to me something in "English" because I couldn't understand a word of it. The more I looked at the car I knew this must be my contact. I leaped on to the windshield. There was someone inside and I scared her. You would think a spy would be better prepared for a penguin leaping out of no where. I told her "I am an international killing machine penguin spy. You are supposed to take me somewhere." That made her more scared. When her partner came back they discussed it and we have been driving ever since. I'll post more when I find out what my mission is.

Posting a Letter

I have been drawn to this red post box. It could be my subconscious international spy training that lead me here. Or, it could be that I smelled hot soup and I wanted to look in the window of Riley's without being on a rubbish can.

In any event, I'm going to hang out for a bit in case I'm supposed to meet a super-model English contact here. I hope my mission involves Hot chicks and Hot food.

London Bound

So, I must have hit the toast pretty hard because when I woke up today, I found that I'm fly business class to England.

Some how I made a lay over in Chicago, and now I am on my way to Heathrow. I spoke to the stewardess, she says I was going on and on about meeting the "Queen", and I was her cousin or something. Now this sounds nothing like me and I am sure there is a perfectly good reason I would go to London. Maybe it like those Jason Bourne movies and I am an international killing machine spy? That would make a heck of a lot more sense. Let's go with that one.

Getting Toasted

Keani and I have had our last fight. I'm serious, I'm done with her. Chicks don't get me I guess. She said my feet are as cold as my heart. I says "I'm a penguin baby!" Then she punched me in the flipper real hard, smashed a banana in my face, and left.

I decided go out and get toasted.

Mmmmmmm, toast with a side of rock. If you can't have true love, you can always truly love toast. I should write that down somewhere.

I need a GPS

I have just figured out that I get lost a lot. Here is a picture of me trying to find a Radio Shack. I need a GPS or something. Maybe a compass would be a good start. I found a map on the back of my Pirates of the Caribbean cereal, but it only led to some island called "A great tasting start to your day!" I thinks it's Latin.

Toasted Sqmores

Now this is the life. Catching some squid and toasting them over a beach fire pit. Then squashing them between chocolate and graham crackers. Nothing like a sqmore.

Ocean Side

I love the ocean. Here I am relaxing down at the bay. A word of caution for you, sometimes while you are sleeping on the beach, some jerk will almost run you over with his truck.

Chinatown

Brandon was right. There is some mighty fine squid in Chinatown, and I should have known that love of squid would bring us back together, because who do I see eating calamari at the booth across from me? Keani. This is Toyota and Tomata, they own the place and kill the squid by hand every day, just like mom used to do. Keani and I are going to stay for a while the sea food here is pretty darn good and having good food to eat seems to help us get along.

SanFrancisco

I met this guy named Brandon in Fresno. He recommended Chinatown in San Francisco for some of the best squid in the world... so here we are. This is a picture of me coming across the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm a little upset because my feathers were all screwed up the first two times we crossed the bridge, but third time is a charm. They don't call me McLovin for nothing, Ka-chow!

Fresno

Did you know that fresno California is the 6th largest city in the State of California. Centrally located, Fresno is the financial, industrial, trade, and commercial capital in the Central San Joaquin Valley. This dynamic city is the hub of a region rich in heritage, resources, and people. The home for a diverse mixture of industries, businesses, agencies and institutions, Fresno offers an ideal location and the tools you need to build a successful business....

Like Cup-O-Squid.

Heading North

I'm feeling much better after spending too much time in the hot desert. The pool was OK, but I really need some cooler temperatures. I rented a car and I'm heading out on Interstate 5.

More to come soon.

Me, Myself and I

So me says to I "You're going in circles. Turn around." Then I says to me "You want to be the leader do ya?!" Myself is all like "Cool it mate, why don't we stop at that fine motel and ask for directions?" Then we all thought that was a good idea. Turns out we are in Lone Pine California. All of us head to the Trails Motel.

633 S Main StLone Pine, CA 93545
(760) 876-5555‎trailsmotel.com

The prices in Lone Pine are held high by the few chain motels. Motels such as this that should be charging under $50 but get away with higher prices. The bedroom seemed generally clean. The bathroom contained two dead cockroaches behind the door. The colour of the tissue having wiped the area where they were found suggested a less than thorough clean. They seem reluctant to provide towels for the pool. Our first request was ignored and our second request was greeted by 'use the one from your room'. Eventually we obtained extra towels. Just as well as the poolside furniture was covered in dust/grime and the pool had an obvious film on it. Breakfast consists of Sunny D and pastry - no coffee was provided in the room and that's your lot.

Day 205

I am following the trail of about 8 penguins. They all wear a size 1 shoe which I find weird. Everyday another penguin joins the group. There is also some sort of bird that I can only see out of the corner of my eye, which is annoying, but the really strange part about this desert is I get a pretty good wireless signal no matter where I am.

Mc Lovin's Top 5 Deserts Fun Facts

Day 196

We have been going in circles for days. Keani and I have decided to split up. She is going left and I am going crazy. She thinks she found a McDonalds, but I don't like crap food. So I told her, "If you see a McDonalds, why don't you just go and get yourself a super fry burger thing." I'm heading toward the Sun in the mornings, then I have a nap and follow the penguin tracks of the penguin that is following me. I'm not sure what he is up to, but maybe he has ice.

Little known fact about the desert.

1. Rattle snakes taste like chicken.
2. Yuka plants are actual tasty and good for your hair.
3. All work and no play makes Mc Lovin something something.
4. Big Scorpion just hurt, Little scorpion kill you.
5. Water is really over rated.

San Bernardino

Day 187

We are hopelessly lost in the hot dessert and running low on squid.

If I could only find the materials to fashion some sort of rudimentary drinking fountain. The I wouldn't be thirsty.

Keani is wasting the supplies. I drew a frowny face on her back as she slept and ate her secret stash of chocolate. I told her coyotes might have got in the camp last night.

She suspects I'm lying.

Clever, clever girl.

California

Hey, we are back in the States now. I'm doing some dash time with the little woman.

Mele Kalikimaka

Keani and I are fighting. She is all "mele kalikimaka" this and "mahimahi" that.
I'm like "Why don't you just fix my squid right woman?"

We rented a car and are starting the drive home. That ought to give us some time to sort things out. Pictures from the road coming up soon.

What the Hey!

I don't know what it means, but I think I have been cloned.

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/1218271

Here is my new girl friend. Her name is Keani. She likes squid just like me.

Poop Calendar

I have been trying to see if the is a correlation between bowel moments and happiness. I made this calendar to track both.

I think there is something to my theory.

New Girl Now

I have met someone new. She is from Omaha, and I have forgotten about whats-her-name completely. Nurse Winchell knows her and she was down for a short visit. Now I might be coming home with her. I'll post pictures soon, but for now imagine Cortney Cox meets Ugly Betty.

Borracho Mudos Tatuaje

Okay, after wandering around for hours I couldn't find Borracho Mudos Tatuaje. I thought it was called that or maybe it was called tatuaje ciclista médico. Then, I remembered it was El Estación f de Autobuses! When I got there it looked very familiar but it turned out to be the Bus Station. Apparently, I made a small mistake in thinking I was at a tattoo place and I forced some tourist to draw an ice cube on my chest. Which melted off with the ice I was laying on the next day.

When I returned to the bus station they called the Federallies right away. Weird. Anyway the Federallies took me to a mental hospital.... by MISTAKE I'm sure.

There was this really nice doctor there. Dr. Drake Remoray. He spoke English and was willing to bust me out if I could set him up with the nurse that's always eating powdered doughnuts. Turns out Nurse Winchell likes doughnuts and married men. So I told her that Dr. Remoray was married and thinking about cheating on his wife with this other nurse who's ears don't match.

Long story short, they are running away together and I'm going to hitch a ride for awhile.

Here we are ordering Mexican pizza. The funny thing is, we are having it delivered to the hospital and pizza is not allowed there.
Okay, so we need to work on being funny and spontaneous with our pranks, but this is a start.

Borracho Mudos Tatuaje

I’m a little disappointed about my tattoo. So I’m headed back to the shop I got it. Borracho Mudos Tatuaje. Sometimes people think just because you are really drunk they can take advantage of you.

Happy Independence day America

Well I pasted out on that block of ice and when I woke up I needed to go shopping for toilet paper and lighter fluid. I was feeling pretty good. My chest didn’t hurt at all. Then I looked down and realized that my tattoo was missing. The darn thing washed off with the melting ice. It’s as if it were never there in the first place. Weird. Anyway, happy Independence day America. Don’t go doing anything dangerous with your explosives. You’ll want your precious fingers later for picking your nose. Luckily I have neither.

Icing the Ice

Ohhh baby. So cold.

Ice-P

You know what's increditable painful? Getting a tattoo, but now you will be able to spot me in a crowd of penguins. I need to put my ice in ice now.

Time to get Inked

Ok, I figured out the coolest tattoo. I'm going to get an ice cube on my chest. Ice baby! First though I better take the edge off. Mmmmmmmm me likey Mexican beer.

Phil in Mexico

I can't believe it! I insisted that you all move to Mexico and buy all the Sabritas products you can... and only Phil can get him self here. You are pathetic. Phil you rock. That's why we are partying with these babes and the rest of you are just sitting there at work wishing you were eating lime flavored nuts with me.

I am soooo Famous

Yeah, hey baby, I am the Sabritas Penguin.... but my friends call me McLovin. Cause McLovin is short for McLovin-machine... Yeah! Woooooo! Where you going?

Cha-Ching

Please ignore my pleas for help.

Being the spokes-penguin for Sabritas is awesome! I am eating nuts that taste like chili, limes, tacos, you name it. I have been talking to the R and D guys about Squid-nuts. Think about it people! Squid... don't nobody not like squid. And Nuts... well nuts don't suck, especially if they taste like squid.

Squid-nuts. I'm a freaking genius.

Anyway, on with business. As the spokes-penguin, I have to ask you to move to Mexico right now and buy all the Sabritas products you can.

Why are you still reading? What don't you understand about "Move to Mexico". Don't make me make you... I'll do it. Now pack your bags.

Nuts!

El Guapo!

These are the ancient Milan ruins of Tulum. No place for tattoos yet.
This is my new "best" friend El Guapo! El Guapo is a talent scout, he wants to put me in TV or movies or something, but I don't want to do it. He looks crazy because he is. After a short talk he threaten to kill me if I didn't try.

In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For me, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill me. But as sure as my name is McLovin, I'm sure I can conquer my own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!

Tulum

So my new friend Grande says a good place to get a tattoo is Tulum. Then I find out it costs $20 pesos to go there. I delivered drinks on the beach for tips and still came up a bit short. I'm working off the rest by selling tickets.

"Hey sailor! get your tickets to Tulum. Hot chicks in Tulum. Tulum is Spanish for free ice cream and beer!"

I should be on my way soon.

Flying Penguin Mach 2

Whoa! I did it again. Check this one out. It looks like I'm in a box, but I'm totally not.

Oh, I really have to find a bar.

Flying Penguin

I'm supposed to be flying in this shot. I think I pulled it off quite well. I have some other great ideas for trick photography. Keep coming back, perhaps you will see me holding a large object on my tiny wing, or me flying again. Honestly, flying penguins do not get old. The more I look at this shot, the cooler it looks.

Hey, do you know why penguins carry fish in their beaks? Because we don't have pockets! Oh yeah! I make cool pictures, and I'm hilarious too.

Cancun Circus

So... I'm looking for a good ink artist and instead I find the Mayan Circus or something. These guys are performing and acient Mayan maypole dance for money. They danced around on the ground for a bit, then climbed the pole a swung around.

Ancient Mayans used to clean up doing this. These new guys are doing ok I guess. I mean people were throwing pesos... but pesos are coins and they look like they hurt. I nailed one guy when he got low. His name is Chico. Chico says there is this guy named Grande who's pretty good doing characters from Padre de Familia. Here is some of his work.

Niiiiiice, huh.

Ink in Mexico

Well, I'm in Mexico, so I think that means I should start drinking and get some ink done. Please answer my new poll and help me decide what I should get where.

There has to be a bar around here somewhere. All these buildings look alike.

That's going to make it hard to get home when I'm tanked.

Things I'm Thinking About Today

Things I am thinking about today.

1. My reoccurring nightmare about being attacked by a kitten.
2. Why are saltines shiny on one side and dull on the other?
3. Who's finger is that in this picture?
4. What happened to my drink?
   

My Worst Nightmare

No no no, it's coming true. The humanity, agh ha ha, sob sob... the humanity.

CanCun Baby!

Ugh, Elizade who now?

Remind me to find her as soon as I'm done... ah as soon as I'm done agh, you know, um hanging out here.

Check out my pad. This will do fine.

I'm going see if there is any margaretta mix in the house.

Mexico Bound

Disguised as a dash ornament, it was easy to catch a ride to the airport. Travelers are so focused they can miss the most obvious things.

I leaped on a baggage conveyor and ended up in Denver. This lady picked the bag I was in. I climbed up on her head for a better look. Reminds me of Honda. Wait up.... there is a gate to Cancun. I'm diving in her purse. I hope there is no used tissue in there.

Goodbye Omaha

Alright, before I left, I wanted to drop in on some other friends. This is Greg. He is not as grumpy as he looks. Bye Greg.
Mable, Gertrude and Martha are real nice, I told them I would score them some Mexican nuts. Those chicks dig nuts.I made it! Just kidding. This is Picante. He knows some one that is heading to the airport. I'm going to hitch a ride with them and stole away on the first flight south.
Ugh, I don't know, it's a Christmas tree... So I got my picture taken by it. Maybe i can use it for my Christmas cards this year.