Fun Facts About Airplanes

10. Your seat can be used as a floatation device.

9. Most planes don't blowup.

8. The maximum air speed of a Japanese Zero is 309mph.

7. The barf bags on this aircraft are too small.

6. The world largest Bomber ever produced was the B-36 Peacemaker. Making peace or blowing stuff up.. you call it.

5. Wilbur and Orville Wright had another brother Ted. He was a lazy sumabich.

4. Planes don't make skidding sounds when they land, but that sound effect is always added for movies and TV.

3. You can't swim in jet fuel because of it's density. If you fall in a really deep tank of jet fuel, you just die.

2. Pilots can't marry people like Captains on boats.

1. The pillow and blanket they give you has never, ever been washed and will most likely just make you sick.

Over and out.

Swinging

This is Bertha. 

She likes to swing. 

She also likes to bite. 

Below is a picture of security trying to save me after she got a taste for McLovin' hot wings.

Florida sucks. I'm heading back to the airport.

Back in the States

Hey, I'm in Florida. I'm closing in on home... but first a drink I think.

Soooooo Hungry

Dang, I'm hungry. I hope there are chips or pizza or something where we are going.

Cargo Hold

I think I made it to an airport and now seem to be in the cargo hold of an airplane. I'm taking it down a notch with some Benadryl I found in here, I get a little jiggy when I travel. I think it's Benadryl. I mean I don't seem to mind being here, everything is mellow. That's Benadryl that does that right? I wonder if Ben made Benadryl? What the Hell is adryl then? Maybe it what he felt like a-drilled? My feet feel fluffy.

Duffy's Duffle Bag

Duffy is the name of a guy I saw in the park who mentioned to someone else that he is heading back to the States. So I jumped in his duffle bag. Life in the bag has been pretty good so far. It's dark of course, but I found some breath mints (which were delicious), a tiny flashlight, and I have been able to make some long distance phone calls with a phone I found. Here is a picture inside the bag.

My Cousin Vinnie

Holy guacamole! I did find myself in Germany, just like the Golden Knight said. 

Except for this is not me. It's my cousin Vincent Bugatti. He is kind of like my Evil Twin. My big, fat, non-Microsoft using, never heard of a tooth brush, sauerkraut eating evil twin. 

He and I had a falling out of sorts when his drunk wife threw herself at me. Well, she fell and knocked my plate over at a party. The last of the squid chips were on that plate! There weren't any more. None. Anyway, I started going on about things in a way that upset Vincent. ("Your wife shoes are inappropriate for this party, she should wear something with a lower center of gravity") I guess it didn't have to be that way, and I felt bad now.

I told Vincent the Golden Knight had sent me here to find him, it was meant to be and I wanted to bury the hatchet...... in his dumb, plate spilling wife's whore shoes.

Long story short, Vincent forgave me and I told him where he could score some affordable knock-offs for his wife.

I got nothing else. I going home now.