Here is my new girl friend. Her name is Keani. She likes squid just like me.

Poop Calendar

I have been trying to see if the is a correlation between bowel moments and happiness. I made this calendar to track both.

I think there is something to my theory.

New Girl Now

I have met someone new. She is from Omaha, and I have forgotten about whats-her-name completely. Nurse Winchell knows her and she was down for a short visit. Now I might be coming home with her. I'll post pictures soon, but for now imagine Cortney Cox meets Ugly Betty.

Borracho Mudos Tatuaje

Okay, after wandering around for hours I couldn't find Borracho Mudos Tatuaje. I thought it was called that or maybe it was called tatuaje ciclista médico. Then, I remembered it was El Estación f de Autobuses! When I got there it looked very familiar but it turned out to be the Bus Station. Apparently, I made a small mistake in thinking I was at a tattoo place and I forced some tourist to draw an ice cube on my chest. Which melted off with the ice I was laying on the next day.

When I returned to the bus station they called the Federallies right away. Weird. Anyway the Federallies took me to a mental hospital.... by MISTAKE I'm sure.

There was this really nice doctor there. Dr. Drake Remoray. He spoke English and was willing to bust me out if I could set him up with the nurse that's always eating powdered doughnuts. Turns out Nurse Winchell likes doughnuts and married men. So I told her that Dr. Remoray was married and thinking about cheating on his wife with this other nurse who's ears don't match.

Long story short, they are running away together and I'm going to hitch a ride for awhile.

Here we are ordering Mexican pizza. The funny thing is, we are having it delivered to the hospital and pizza is not allowed there.
Okay, so we need to work on being funny and spontaneous with our pranks, but this is a start.

Borracho Mudos Tatuaje

I’m a little disappointed about my tattoo. So I’m headed back to the shop I got it. Borracho Mudos Tatuaje. Sometimes people think just because you are really drunk they can take advantage of you.

Happy Independence day America

Well I pasted out on that block of ice and when I woke up I needed to go shopping for toilet paper and lighter fluid. I was feeling pretty good. My chest didn’t hurt at all. Then I looked down and realized that my tattoo was missing. The darn thing washed off with the melting ice. It’s as if it were never there in the first place. Weird. Anyway, happy Independence day America. Don’t go doing anything dangerous with your explosives. You’ll want your precious fingers later for picking your nose. Luckily I have neither.