Bored penguin

2009-03-26T05:42:00.000-05:00

New York City

2009-03-23T08:45:00.001-05:00

Well, Phil finally showed up to give me a ride back to the office. We were just getting ready to go get a cab when I got the feeling that airport security was ethincally profiling us. We ducked into a restroom, which according to the urnial bisquit, is the cleanest airport restroom in the world. Anyway I heard them talking about us on their radio, so we leaped in some guys bag.

Next thing you know We are in New York City.

Waiting on Phil

2009-03-20T13:27:00.001-05:00

Phil is supposed to pick me up at the airport. I wonder what the problem is?

Airports are great for naps

2009-03-18T07:35:00.003-05:00

Sleeping in Airports

Back at the Museum

2009-03-16T14:55:00.001-05:00

OK, I had to go back inside because i heard about the slide. It causes quite a bit of static friction.

The Corpus Christi, Texas Children's Museum

2009-03-11T21:22:00.004-05:00

It rained again here today, so I decided to check out the city instead of the beach. They have a really cool Childrens Museum here. I especially like the Lego dinosaur. There is a cool TV studio there too where you can make you own shows. Mine was awesome. It was about a sexy penguin.

Here is a picture of the dinosaur's insides.

I left after this because I found out you can not buy or drink acohol at the Childrens Museum.

Montreal Canada

2009-03-08T21:23:00.003-05:00

Here is a picture of the Auberge Les Bons Matins Hotel and Stick shop. Its a hang out for local skunk trappers, hockey players and french chef types. The sculture in the background is, well, an insult to sculptures everywhere.

I'm going to go ahead and give you the short version of my trip to Canada.

Everybody speaks French.
Their sculptures suck.
I had a lot to drink.
I said stuff to frenchie about them starting the Iraq war.

Here is a picture of me hitch-hiking about to the land of the free.

Minneapolis Rotary Club

2009-03-05T09:32:00.000-06:00

And now a quick slide show from my vacation to Minneapolis.

First stop the Minneapolis Rotary Club. Awe Snap! that darn thins is upside down.

Turn your head a little. It actually a very nice banner. They are very nice people there doing good things.

Pictured below is Barbie and Kelley. They have regular jobs when they are not modeling. Barbie does something with string theory and Kelley is a brain surgeon/lawyer. I found them very stimulating mentally. It's nice to meet people that you can have a conversation with about something besides American Idol.
After the meeting Barbie, Kelley and I got got really drunk and agreed to never speak about what happened that night ever again. I put in a clause to blog about it though.
This is the park where I woke up. I don't think that is my barf by the refuse canister. It is definitely not my barf, because no matter how drunk I get, I would never eat corn and peanuts in one sitting.

What the Hey?

2009-03-03T12:41:00.000-06:00

I must have made a wrong turn somewhere. I'm turn around now. I should be home 15 minutes late.

Denver

2009-03-02T20:10:00.003-06:00

It is sometimes tough for me to get the flights I want. I'm getting closer to home though. Today I ended up in Denver. Here is a picture in the airport. It's hard to tell but those are birds hanging out over one of the moving walkways.

This is a picture of the desolate waste land that they built this airport on. Local legend says the Denver airport is built on an ancient penguin burial ground. That gives me the oinking monkeys just thinking about it.

Anyway, I had a beer and went out to find some old relatives. Nothing yet, just a really old cup some dude's wallet "James Hoffa" I think, and a big flying disk.

Dallas

2009-02-26T12:35:00.002-06:00

I'm totally in Dallas!

Y'all gotta know that Dallas is full of very nice people who love a party. I stayed at the Sharaton Dallas last week and it was a blast. Went to see Dealy Plaza where Kennedy was shot and took a tour of the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium.

These bar friends kept me in stitches all night.

Right behind me is Joe Bob clockwise from Joe Bob's right is Billy Bob in the hat, Jim Bob, Girl Jo Bob, just Bob, Bobbi Jo in the scarf, Molly Jo and Mike in pink.

Airport Trivia

2009-02-24T12:02:00.000-06:00

10. AMERICAN AIRLINES saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.

9. The abbreviation ORD for Chicago's O'Hare airport comes from the old name "Orchard Field."

8. Apparently Delta Air Lines spends $8 million a year on wine alone.

7. BRITISH AIRWAYS passengers consume 40.5 tons of Chicken in 1 year.

6. I eat twice that in squid alone.

5. Penguins fly for free on most airlines, although they always loose my luggage.

4. Dean Martin was in a movie called Airport in 1970. They made a sequel in 1975 called Airport 75 followed by Airport 77 in 1977 and Airport 79 in 1979. There is a pattern if you look hard enough.

3. The Mile High club currently boasts 17 members. They also indicate that most people lie about being members, because you have to pay dues to belong. On a personal note, I have been a member since 2000.

2. The Taiwan airport has excellent squid.

1. The personal spaceship/hovercraft will make airports into the bus stations of the future.

Airbourne for Oscar Night

2009-02-23T17:54:00.001-06:00

So I missed the Oscars last night because I was on a plane. I did get to see an episode of The Office.

Tiny Tornado

2009-02-17T11:10:00.001-06:00

I'm at the Museum of Natural Disasters. Check out the tiny tornado pictured here looking for a really small trailer park.

Take Me to Your Squid Bar

2009-02-16T20:46:00.004-06:00

Is it me, or are airports just getting plain weird? Something you should know about this robot, it makes excellent toasted sandwiches.

I have to find my gate.

Fun Facts About Airplanes

2009-02-12T22:08:00.002-06:00

10. Your seat can be used as a floatation device.

9. Most planes don't blowup.

8. The maximum air speed of a Japanese Zero is 309mph.

7. The barf bags on this aircraft are too small.

6. The world largest Bomber ever produced was the B-36 Peacemaker. Making peace or blowing stuff up.. you call it.

5. Wilbur and Orville Wright had another brother Ted. He was a lazy sumabich.

4. Planes don't make skidding sounds when they land, but that sound effect is always added for movies and TV.

3. You can't swim in jet fuel because of it's density. If you fall in a really deep tank of jet fuel, you just die.

2. Pilots can't marry people like Captains on boats.

1. The pillow and blanket they give you has never, ever been washed and will most likely just make you sick.

Over and out.

Swinging

2009-02-11T20:43:00.003-06:00

This is Bertha.

She likes to swing.

She also likes to bite.

Below is a picture of security trying to save me after she got a taste for McLovin' hot wings.

Florida sucks. I'm heading back to the airport.

Back in the States

2009-02-07T19:30:00.002-06:00

Hey, I'm in Florida. I'm closing in on home... but first a drink I think.

Soooooo Hungry

2009-02-03T09:06:00.001-06:00

Dang, I'm hungry. I hope there are chips or pizza or something where we are going.

Cargo Hold

2009-02-01T22:11:00.002-06:00

I think I made it to an airport and now seem to be in the cargo hold of an airplane. I'm taking it down a notch with some Benadryl I found in here, I get a little jiggy when I travel. I think it's Benadryl. I mean I don't seem to mind being here, everything is mellow. That's Benadryl that does that right? I wonder if Ben made Benadryl? What the Hell is adryl then? Maybe it what he felt like a-drilled? My feet feel fluffy.

Duffy's Duffle Bag

2009-01-28T20:51:00.003-06:00

Duffy is the name of a guy I saw in the park who mentioned to someone else that he is heading back to the States. So I jumped in his duffle bag. Life in the bag has been pretty good so far. It's dark of course, but I found some breath mints (which were delicious), a tiny flashlight, and I have been able to make some long distance phone calls with a phone I found. Here is a picture inside the bag.

My Cousin Vinnie

2009-01-24T18:37:00.002-06:00

Holy guacamole! I did find myself in Germany, just like the Golden Knight said.

Except for this is not me. It's my cousin Vincent Bugatti. He is kind of like my Evil Twin. My big, fat, non-Microsoft using, never heard of a tooth brush, sauerkraut eating evil twin.

He and I had a falling out of sorts when his drunk wife threw herself at me. Well, she fell and knocked my plate over at a party. The last of the squid chips were on that plate! There weren't any more. None. Anyway, I started going on about things in a way that upset Vincent. ("Your wife shoes are inappropriate for this party, she should wear something with a lower center of gravity") I guess it didn't have to be that way, and I felt bad now.

I told Vincent the Golden Knight had sent me here to find him, it was meant to be and I wanted to bury the hatchet...... in his dumb, plate spilling wife's whore shoes.

Long story short, Vincent forgave me and I told him where he could score some affordable knock-offs for his wife.

I got nothing else. I going home now.

In the Market

2009-01-22T20:20:00.002-06:00

Things to get at the market.

Ammo
Squid Nuggets
Tooth paste
Good toilet paper (not like the crap they have at the hotel)
Duct tape
30 weight oil
Febreeze Yankee Candle Scentstories
Compass
Toothpicks
Ding Dongs
Wart remover
Wart putter-onner
Ammo
Bag of Funyuns
New copy of Bon Jovi's Greatest hits
Catcher in the Rye
Redbull
Clicky top Sharpie
6 pack of St. Pauli Girl
Tin foil (it makes great hats and keeps aliens away while confusing the feds)

Hanging Out

2009-01-21T13:00:00.001-06:00

This is Der Weinner Schnitzel. They take their weinners very seriously

here in Germany.

Well,

Aghhhhhhh duh,

yup ah.

Okay, I stuck my flipper in a crack and now I can't get it out.

Whack Job

2009-01-19T19:53:00.001-06:00

Yeah, I whacked Cooper. Dumped the body over this here bridge.

I guess I can go check out that Castle now.

Me and Mr. Cooper

2009-01-16T11:40:00.002-06:00

You will never believe who I ran into. Mr. Cooper! Him and the Mrs. are on holiday here and they invited me along to check out the local Castle. Germany is full of them. Here is a picture of us reminiscing about London.

Good times, yeah, good times.

It's weird that I would bump into the Coopers again unless.... I'm just thinking he might be Russian, or "the Russian". It's hard to believe that we we keep meeting. Maybe he was following me, and I just caught him in the act, so he's all trying to be my friend when he is really part of an international plot?

Either way, first chance I get I'm going to whack him.

Find McLovin'

2009-01-12T21:20:00.003-06:00

I'm on the road again. Today I find myself in Nuremburg Germany. I'm in this picture. See if you can find me.

If you guessed that I am in the middle of the picture where that chick is staring right at me... then you are right! If you ever have trouble finding me in a picture, look where the people are looking. They are always looking at me, wondering about my awesomeness. They can't help it.

Erik, guten tag! B, was ist los? Ich bin sended Ihre druken Vogel zurück!

German Shoes

2009-01-08T06:53:00.005-06:00

Chriftoph on Schmid made shoes. Good German shoes. He is the patron Saint of quality foot wear here in Dinkels Buhl. Many Germans come here to contemplate why he wore sandals when there were so many other shoe choices. Like das boots or Nike knock-off sneakers.

For those of you who wondered what 490 million dollars worth of shoes look like, check out Sarah Plummer’s closet… or this picture.

This is a very satisfied-looking German customs official Petra Lotzin, presiding over the shredding of the counterfeit Nike's. Petra is wearing some very sensible shoes, of course.

The Most Uncomfortable Seat

2009-01-05T12:33:00.001-06:00

The Golden Knight said I would find myself in Germany. All I have found in Dinkels Buhl Germany is the most uncomfortable seat in the town square.

In Search of... better Beer

2008-12-31T12:24:00.002-06:00

This is Dinkels Buhl Germany. It's like they have a different word for everything here that is kind of like the "real" word.

I am looking for good beer, but I decided to rock out with a local music first. Turns out he is just a poser. A damn good poser, but a poser all the same.

Germany

2008-12-22T14:14:00.001-06:00

Well, what did you think I was going to do in Germany?!

This is some place call Ellwangen. All I know is my beer is warm.

The Airport... Again

2008-12-14T20:19:00.004-06:00

Well,

Goldie wouldn't lay off the Germany thing. So this morning he insisted on driving me to the airport. I think he was still buzzing but, I had nothing better to do anyway. I kind of forgot why I came to England. What ever it was, I', sure I kicked it's butt.

Here are some pictures of me and the Golden Knight before he totally got busted by Heathrow security for setting off every metal detector in the place. Good luck Goldie, I'm out of here.

The Golden Knight was Right

2008-12-10T07:06:00.002-06:00

The Indian food was awesomely good. The Golden Knight dropped by with a message and we had some drinks together. He got so drunk. He just stood there like a statue. "Duuuuuh I'm the Golden Knight. You have to go to Germany. There you will find yourself."

I was all like "Dude give me your keys, cuz I Love you man."

Then I threw up.

The Golden Knight

2008-12-01T19:35:00.002-06:00

The Golden Knight said I should just go have a beer and maybe try and get some Indian food.
I don't normally argue with Golden Knights, but I think I desire two beers.

Bored Penguin Bored

2008-11-24T12:44:00.002-06:00

There is a good chance I have been misled by the Russian. Hear is another picture of the Castle.

p.s. The restrooms here are in serious need of attention.

Still Waiting

2008-11-16T20:04:00.002-06:00

The Russian is a little late.

I wonder if there is any squid in this moat?

Kirby Castle

2008-11-13T19:22:00.002-06:00

I am meeting the Red Cow Russian at Kirby Castle. Kirby Castle was a very short man. I think he is bald an invented the vacuum cleaner. Any way... I'm waiting ton the Russian.

Doopy doopy doop.

I am gonna karate chop the Russian when he gets here.

namaste

2008-11-07T04:35:00.000-06:00

Let's say the haggus didn't turn out.

Haggus in Red Sauce

2008-11-06T14:14:00.001-06:00

Although there are many recipes for haggus, it is normally made with the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver, and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately an hour. It somewhat resembles stuffed intestines (pig intestines otherwise known as chitterlings), sausages and savory puddings of which it is among the largest types. Most modern commercial haggis is prepared in a casing rather than an actual stomach. There are also meat-free recipes specifically for vegetarians which supposedly taste similar to the meat-based recipes. I find it's best when made with squid. Of course then it is reffered to as Squidus.

Ugh.... Yeah

2008-11-04T19:44:00.002-06:00

So..... I know I was at the Red Cow, and I may of had a little to drink. But, when I woke up this morning I was in a box with a tortoise. Its not a very talkative tortoise, but it gave me a ride to the kitchen. Maybe I met this tortoise in the pub and my top secret spy skills kicked in and this tortoise will lead me to a special mission or contact.
Well, in the mean time... I'm going where the tortoise takes me.

The Red Cow and the Pint of Tiger

2008-10-23T20:33:00.003-05:00

It's horrible. The mental challenge of maintaining my cover and still trying to infiltrate the Russian underground in England is quite stressful. It's a game of patience and precision. Any false move could risk disaster. Lives are at stake, and I can't help but feel that overbearing responsibility with every pint I'm forced to drink.

I am going by the name Boris Grebenshikov. I'm a beer drinking lad from Leningrad who loves the Eurythmics. It's too bad you can not hear my Russian accent, because it is dead on.

I think the bartender should be able to get me into the back room. He says his name is Jon, but he is definitely an Igor or something.

If the fate of the world relies on my drinking here all week. So be it. I'm that kind of penguin.

Yup. It's the Russians

2008-10-21T20:28:00.003-05:00

We're at the Russians hideout. A place called the Red Cow. They are a clever lot. The Coopers and I are going in. There will most likely be trouble. The Coopers may not make out. I expect my spy training will kick in, so I will be fine.

Cheers!

Lefty Cooper

2008-10-20T08:03:00.000-05:00

My contacts are taking me on a top secret mission. This is Mr. Cooper and I discussing the details. It has something to do with a red cow. I think that's code for the Russians.

Cooper

2008-10-16T20:20:00.002-05:00

So I'm hanging out wondering what the heck a jacket is, if you don't wear it, and this tiny spy car pulls up. This dashing looking gentleman gets out and says to me something in "English" because I couldn't understand a word of it. The more I looked at the car I knew this must be my contact. I leaped on to the windshield. There was someone inside and I scared her. You would think a spy would be better prepared for a penguin leaping out of no where. I told her "I am an international killing machine penguin spy. You are supposed to take me somewhere." That made her more scared. When her partner came back they discussed it and we have been driving ever since. I'll post more when I find out what my mission is.

Posting a Letter

2008-10-14T10:18:00.000-05:00

I have been drawn to this red post box. It could be my subconscious international spy training that lead me here. Or, it could be that I smelled hot soup and I wanted to look in the window of Riley's without being on a rubbish can.

In any event, I'm going to hang out for a bit in case I'm supposed to meet a super-model English contact here. I hope my mission involves Hot chicks and Hot food.

London Bound

2008-10-12T20:28:00.004-05:00

So, I must have hit the toast pretty hard because when I woke up today, I found that I'm fly business class to England.

Some how I made a lay over in Chicago, and now I am on my way to Heathrow. I spoke to the stewardess, she says I was going on and on about meeting the "Queen", and I was her cousin or something. Now this sounds nothing like me and I am sure there is a perfectly good reason I would go to London. Maybe it like those Jason Bourne movies and I am an international killing machine spy? That would make a heck of a lot more sense. Let's go with that one.

Getting Toasted

2008-10-09T18:10:00.002-05:00

Keani and I have had our last fight. I'm serious, I'm done with her. Chicks don't get me I guess. She said my feet are as cold as my heart. I says "I'm a penguin baby!" Then she punched me in the flipper real hard, smashed a banana in my face, and left.

I decided go out and get toasted.

Mmmmmmm, toast with a side of rock. If you can't have true love, you can always truly love toast. I should write that down somewhere.

I need a GPS

2008-10-02T14:00:00.002-05:00

I have just figured out that I get lost a lot. Here is a picture of me trying to find a Radio Shack. I need a GPS or something. Maybe a compass would be a good start. I found a map on the back of my Pirates of the Caribbean cereal, but it only led to some island called "A great tasting start to your day!" I thinks it's Latin.

Toasted Sqmores

2008-09-30T21:12:00.002-05:00

Now this is the life. Catching some squid and toasting them over a beach fire pit. Then squashing them between chocolate and graham crackers. Nothing like a sqmore.

Ocean Side

2008-09-30T17:01:00.003-05:00

I love the ocean. Here I am relaxing down at the bay. A word of caution for you, sometimes while you are sleeping on the beach, some jerk will almost run you over with his truck.

Chinatown

2008-09-24T13:17:00.002-05:00

Brandon was right. There is some mighty fine squid in Chinatown, and I should have known that love of squid would bring us back together, because who do I see eating calamari at the booth across from me? Keani. This is Toyota and Tomata, they own the place and kill the squid by hand every day, just like mom used to do. Keani and I are going to stay for a while the sea food here is pretty darn good and having good food to eat seems to help us get along.

SanFrancisco

2008-09-21T21:44:00.002-05:00

I met this guy named Brandon in Fresno. He recommended Chinatown in San Francisco for some of the best squid in the world... so here we are. This is a picture of me coming across the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm a little upset because my feathers were all screwed up the first two times we crossed the bridge, but third time is a charm. They don't call me McLovin for nothing, Ka-chow!

Fresno

2008-09-18T20:34:00.002-05:00

Did you know that fresno California is the 6th largest city in the State of California. Centrally located, Fresno is the financial, industrial, trade, and commercial capital in the Central San Joaquin Valley. This dynamic city is the hub of a region rich in heritage, resources, and people. The home for a diverse mixture of industries, businesses, agencies and institutions, Fresno offers an ideal location and the tools you need to build a successful business....

Like Cup-O-Squid.

Heading North

2008-09-15T22:09:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling much better after spending too much time in the hot desert. The pool was OK, but I really need some cooler temperatures. I rented a car and I'm heading out on Interstate 5.

More to come soon.

Me, Myself and I

2008-09-09T21:04:00.003-05:00

So me says to I "You're going in circles. Turn around." Then I says to me "You want to be the leader do ya?!" Myself is all like "Cool it mate, why don't we stop at that fine motel and ask for directions?" Then we all thought that was a good idea. Turns out we are in Lone Pine California. All of us head to the Trails Motel.

633 S Main StLone Pine, CA 93545
(760) 876-5555‎trailsmotel.com

The prices in Lone Pine are held high by the few chain motels. Motels such as this that should be charging under $50 but get away with higher prices. The bedroom seemed generally clean. The bathroom contained two dead cockroaches behind the door. The colour of the tissue having wiped the area where they were found suggested a less than thorough clean. They seem reluctant to provide towels for the pool. Our first request was ignored and our second request was greeted by 'use the one from your room'. Eventually we obtained extra towels. Just as well as the poolside furniture was covered in dust/grime and the pool had an obvious film on it. Breakfast consists of Sunny D and pastry - no coffee was provided in the room and that's your lot.

Day 205

2008-09-07T21:57:00.002-05:00

I am following the trail of about 8 penguins. They all wear a size 1 shoe which I find weird. Everyday another penguin joins the group. There is also some sort of bird that I can only see out of the corner of my eye, which is annoying, but the really strange part about this desert is I get a pretty good wireless signal no matter where I am.

Mc Lovin's Top 5 Deserts Fun Facts

2008-08-29T21:25:00.003-05:00

Day 196

We have been going in circles for days. Keani and I have decided to split up. She is going left and I am going crazy. She thinks she found a McDonalds, but I don't like crap food. So I told her, "If you see a McDonalds, why don't you just go and get yourself a super fry burger thing." I'm heading toward the Sun in the mornings, then I have a nap and follow the penguin tracks of the penguin that is following me. I'm not sure what he is up to, but maybe he has ice.

Little known fact about the desert.

Rattle snakes taste like chicken.
Yuka plants are actual tasty and good for your hair.
All work and no play makes Mc Lovin something something.
Big Scorpion just hurt, Little scorpion kill you.
Water is really over rated.

San Bernardino

2008-08-20T21:51:00.002-05:00

Day 187

We are hopelessly lost in the hot dessert and running low on squid.

If I could only find the materials to fashion some sort of rudimentary drinking fountain. The I wouldn't be thirsty.

Keani is wasting the supplies. I drew a frowny face on her back as she slept and ate her secret stash of chocolate. I told her coyotes might have got in the camp last night.

She suspects I'm lying.

Clever, clever girl.

California

2008-08-15T11:01:00.003-05:00

Hey, we are back in the States now. I'm doing some dash time with the little woman.

Mele Kalikimaka

2008-08-12T08:02:00.002-05:00

Keani and I are fighting. She is all "mele kalikimaka" this and "mahimahi" that.
I'm like "Why don't you just fix my squid right woman?"

We rented a car and are starting the drive home. That ought to give us some time to sort things out. Pictures from the road coming up soon.

What the Hey!

2008-08-05T18:35:00.001-05:00

I don't know what it means, but I think I have been cloned.

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/1218271

2008-07-25T08:24:00.002-05:00

Here is my new girl friend. Her name is Keani. She likes squid just like me.

Poop Calendar

2008-07-19T09:22:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to see if the is a correlation between bowel moments and happiness. I made this calendar to track both.

I think there is something to my theory.

New Girl Now

2008-07-17T07:17:00.002-05:00

I have met someone new. She is from Omaha, and I have forgotten about whats-her-name completely. Nurse Winchell knows her and she was down for a short visit. Now I might be coming home with her. I'll post pictures soon, but for now imagine Cortney Cox meets Ugly Betty.

Borracho Mudos Tatuaje

2008-07-07T22:06:00.005-05:00

Okay, after wandering around for hours I couldn't find Borracho Mudos Tatuaje. I thought it was called that or maybe it was called tatuaje ciclista médico. Then, I remembered it was El Estación f de Autobuses! When I got there it looked very familiar but it turned out to be the Bus Station. Apparently, I made a small mistake in thinking I was at a tattoo place and I forced some tourist to draw an ice cube on my chest. Which melted off with the ice I was laying on the next day.

When I returned to the bus station they called the Federallies right away. Weird. Anyway the Federallies took me to a mental hospital.... by MISTAKE I'm sure.

There was this really nice doctor there. Dr. Drake Remoray. He spoke English and was willing to bust me out if I could set him up with the nurse that's always eating powdered doughnuts. Turns out Nurse Winchell likes doughnuts and married men. So I told her that Dr. Remoray was married and thinking about cheating on his wife with this other nurse who's ears don't match.

Long story short, they are running away together and I'm going to hitch a ride for awhile.

Here we are ordering Mexican pizza. The funny thing is, we are having it delivered to the hospital and pizza is not allowed there.
Okay, so we need to work on being funny and spontaneous with our pranks, but this is a start.

Borracho Mudos Tatuaje

2008-07-07T15:16:00.000-05:00

I’m a little disappointed about my tattoo. So I’m headed back to the shop I got it. Borracho Mudos Tatuaje. Sometimes people think just because you are really drunk they can take advantage of you.

Happy Independence day America

2008-07-03T11:42:00.002-05:00

Well I pasted out on that block of ice and when I woke up I needed to go shopping for toilet paper and lighter fluid. I was feeling pretty good. My chest didn’t hurt at all. Then I looked down and realized that my tattoo was missing. The darn thing washed off with the melting ice. It’s as if it were never there in the first place. Weird. Anyway, happy Independence day America. Don’t go doing anything dangerous with your explosives. You’ll want your precious fingers later for picking your nose. Luckily I have neither.

Icing the Ice

2008-06-23T08:34:00.000-05:00

Ohhh baby. So cold.

Ice-P

2008-06-21T19:09:00.002-05:00

You know what's increditable painful? Getting a tattoo, but now you will be able to spot me in a crowd of penguins. I need to put my ice in ice now.

Time to get Inked

2008-06-19T22:01:00.001-05:00

Ok, I figured out the coolest tattoo. I'm going to get an ice cube on my chest. Ice baby! First though I better take the edge off. Mmmmmmmm me likey Mexican beer.

Phil in Mexico

2008-06-17T17:32:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it! I insisted that you all move to Mexico and buy all the Sabritas products you can... and only Phil can get him self here. You are pathetic. Phil you rock. That's why we are partying with these babes and the rest of you are just sitting there at work wishing you were eating lime flavored nuts with me.

I am soooo Famous

2008-06-13T11:57:00.000-05:00

Yeah, hey baby, I am the Sabritas Penguin.... but my friends call me McLovin. Cause McLovin is short for McLovin-machine... Yeah! Woooooo! Where you going?

Cha-Ching

2008-06-11T05:48:00.000-05:00

Please ignore my pleas for help.

Being the spokes-penguin for Sabritas is awesome! I am eating nuts that taste like chili, limes, tacos, you name it. I have been talking to the R and D guys about Squid-nuts. Think about it people! Squid... don't nobody not like squid. And Nuts... well nuts don't suck, especially if they taste like squid.

Squid-nuts. I'm a freaking genius.

Anyway, on with business. As the spokes-penguin, I have to ask you to move to Mexico right now and buy all the Sabritas products you can.

Why are you still reading? What don't you understand about "Move to Mexico". Don't make me make you... I'll do it. Now pack your bags.

Nuts!

2008-06-05T22:17:00.002-05:00

El Guapo!

2008-06-03T16:29:00.001-05:00

These are the ancient Milan ruins of Tulum. No place for tattoos yet.
This is my new "best" friend El Guapo! El Guapo is a talent scout, he wants to put me in TV or movies or something, but I don't want to do it. He looks crazy because he is. After a short talk he threaten to kill me if I didn't try.

In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For me, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill me. But as sure as my name is McLovin, I'm sure I can conquer my own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!

Tulum

2008-06-03T05:24:00.000-05:00

So my new friend Grande says a good place to get a tattoo is Tulum. Then I find out it costs $20 pesos to go there. I delivered drinks on the beach for tips and still came up a bit short. I'm working off the rest by selling tickets.

"Hey sailor! get your tickets to Tulum. Hot chicks in Tulum. Tulum is Spanish for free ice cream and beer!"

I should be on my way soon.

Flying Penguin Mach 2

2008-05-29T09:32:00.000-05:00

Whoa! I did it again. Check this one out. It looks like I'm in a box, but I'm totally not.

Oh, I really have to find a bar.

Flying Penguin

2008-05-29T05:05:00.000-05:00

I'm supposed to be flying in this shot. I think I pulled it off quite well. I have some other great ideas for trick photography. Keep coming back, perhaps you will see me holding a large object on my tiny wing, or me flying again. Honestly, flying penguins do not get old. The more I look at this shot, the cooler it looks.

Hey, do you know why penguins carry fish in their beaks? Because we don't have pockets! Oh yeah! I make cool pictures, and I'm hilarious too.

Cancun Circus

2008-05-26T21:12:00.004-05:00

So... I'm looking for a good ink artist and instead I find the Mayan Circus or something. These guys are performing and acient Mayan maypole dance for money. They danced around on the ground for a bit, then climbed the pole a swung around.

Ancient Mayans used to clean up doing this. These new guys are doing ok I guess. I mean people were throwing pesos... but pesos are coins and they look like they hurt. I nailed one guy when he got low. His name is Chico. Chico says there is this guy named Grande who's pretty good doing characters from Padre de Familia. Here is some of his work.

Niiiiiice, huh.

Ink in Mexico

2008-05-20T10:21:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm in Mexico, so I think that means I should start drinking and get some ink done. Please answer my new poll and help me decide what I should get where.

There has to be a bar around here somewhere. All these buildings look alike.

That's going to make it hard to get home when I'm tanked.

Things I'm Thinking About Today

2008-05-16T15:31:00.001-05:00

Things I am thinking about today.

My reoccurring nightmare about being attacked by a kitten.
Why are saltines shiny on one side and dull on the other?
Who's finger is that in this picture?
What happened to my drink?

My Worst Nightmare

2008-05-15T21:04:00.001-05:00

No no no, it's coming true. The humanity, agh ha ha, sob sob... the humanity.

CanCun Baby!

2008-05-14T21:11:00.002-05:00

Ugh, Elizade who now?

Remind me to find her as soon as I'm done... ah as soon as I'm done agh, you know, um hanging out here.

Check out my pad. This will do fine.

I'm going see if there is any margaretta mix in the house.

Mexico Bound

2008-05-13T10:12:00.000-05:00

Disguised as a dash ornament, it was easy to catch a ride to the airport. Travelers are so focused they can miss the most obvious things.

I leaped on a baggage conveyor and ended up in Denver. This lady picked the bag I was in. I climbed up on her head for a better look. Reminds me of Honda. Wait up.... there is a gate to Cancun. I'm diving in her purse. I hope there is no used tissue in there.

Goodbye Omaha

2008-05-12T21:37:00.003-05:00

Alright, before I left, I wanted to drop in on some other friends. This is Greg. He is not as grumpy as he looks. Bye Greg.
Mable, Gertrude and Martha are real nice, I told them I would score them some Mexican nuts. Those chicks dig nuts.I made it! Just kidding. This is Picante. He knows some one that is heading to the airport. I'm going to hitch a ride with them and stole away on the first flight south.
Ugh, I don't know, it's a Christmas tree... So I got my picture taken by it. Maybe i can use it for my Christmas cards this year.

Good to be Home

2008-05-10T10:06:00.004-05:00

I got in late, but my mates were waiting for me. This is Graham on my right. Phil and George on my left. Phil says it has been fun but somebody on the monitor has BO and he isn't telling who. Next I went up to see Sully. He is happy on the outside, but real conflicted about his feelings for a certain donkey. I told him about Elizalde. We decided we both needed to follow our hearts. Easy for him, his true love in in the hood.
Ducks... I just came over to get the time. No wonder I'm hungry. I missed breakfast.
Well, I have still been thinking about Elizalde, and doing some time with some shroom helped calm me down, but now I'm really hungry. I know where to go. Gumby always has access to munchies.

I can't understand a darn thing this dog says?! But Gumby and Pokey are missing. I wonder where they went? Cartman should know, I'll ask him.

Talk Cartman! Where are they? I swear you don't want to see my next wrestling move! (O my, is Sully's Donkey two timing him with Cartman?)

Cartman, says Gumby probably went to Mexico with my girlfriend. Darn you Sully! That was a secret!

That is it! I'm going to Mexico. If I can not find Elizalde, I will find Gumby and Pokey. Yah! ya stupid polar bear, Yah! Elizalde, wait for me my love! Gumby and Pokey, I will not rest until I find you.
...
...
Oh, forget it Jasper. I know turtles that move faster than you.

I think I smell bagels. I'll need food for the trip. More soon.

2008-05-08T23:19:00.001-05:00

Check it out... people waiting around to go to Omaha.
Delayed again... must eat squid to survive.

Sorry Sarah.

Back in the USA

2008-05-08T08:20:00.000-05:00

Day 47, still no Godzilla.
Whoa! Devils Tower has a smiley face painted on the top.
Hurray! Chicago! I wonder if I will see somebody I know there.

Flying Home

2008-05-07T21:38:00.002-05:00

We flew over Tokyo. I did not see Godzilla.
Hawaii, that's where I got my driver's license.
Hey it's yesterday... or tomorrow.

Still no Godzilla.

Heading Home

2008-05-07T04:45:00.000-05:00

Well it was a good ride, But it's time to be heading home. I have packed my bags, and when I got to the airport I met my old friend, Barfy the garbage can.
I sure I hope there is a garbage can in Chicago I can hurl into when I land there. Barfy, you are still cool on the sides and smelly. Perhaps some day we will meet again.
Even though the signs were confusing, I found my gate.
Here is a shot out the window as we made our way to the runway. Sorry to say I have already busted into my supply of squid.

Harold and Kumar

2008-05-06T11:00:00.002-05:00

This Harold and Kumar. They were super cool. They get your bags and stuff, make sandwiches, and they know where to score squid.They turned me on to this squid map. Here is a squid. There's a squid. There is one here, and here and over there, one by the tree, and in the bushes. I'm actually siting on a squid. Delicious squid. Squidy squidy squid.
Some of the best ways to eat squid include; Squidghetti and Meatballs, PB and Squid, Squid Taco, Macaroni and squid, Grilled Squid Sandwich, Squid Ala Mode, Squid Burger, French Fried Squid, Chocolate Squid, Squid Loaf, Squid Tar Tar, Pickled Squid, Squid Wrap, Peking Squid, and Squid Rollups. I'm really going to miss these guys.

Best Squid in Hong Kong

2008-05-02T12:15:00.001-05:00

This is Joe's House of Squid. Best squid East of Pineridge baby! Joe's grand dad tells me the secret to great tasting squid is lots of salt. Duh, I came all the way to Hong Kong for that wisdom?
Anyway, I got a 5 pack of tentacles for Sarah. If everything goes well, I will be home within a week.

Seals at the Zoo

2008-05-01T11:57:00.003-05:00

Hey Opus,

Here is a picture of a seal checking me out. I am way tasty and he knows it. Oh yeah, thank goodness for chain link fences.

O Rock

2008-04-30T15:38:00.000-05:00

This is the famous ‘O’ rock. It a rock shaped like an ‘O’. Come on, it’s cool. I mean, well, ok, I guess I should have got some pictures of the ‘M’ rock, but you people are just hard to please. OH! I just remembered I want to get some soy-squid bars for Sarah. They are awesome. I’m checking out to the market. More later.

Thinking of Home

2008-04-29T21:59:00.002-05:00

Well my time in China is winding down and my thoughts are returning to home. I kind of miss the way the toasty monitor I sat on warmed my butt. I am also missing the way my sweet monkey love warmed my heart. I know I should just forget her, yet she consumes my thoughts. Perhaps it was destiny that we part. Still I can not help but wonder....

Oh well, These bag aren't going to pack themselves.

Zoo Pictures

2008-04-27T21:15:00.002-05:00

Weeeeeeeee!
Agggggggh! Don't eat me Mr. Seal!
I totally dig eucalyptus... and BBQ chicken head.

The Best Elevator Ride of My Life!

2008-04-23T21:13:00.003-05:00

Having a good meal has helped center me on enjoying Hong Kong. When I got back to the city I stopped for a drink at a cozy sidewalk cafe.
Then I saw her! Elizalde. She is with the Mexican consulate. She was here in China to help coordinate lodging for the Mexican Olympic Badminton team.

It was love at first sight. We enjoyed some conversation and quickly decided to return to my room.
Ugh... no comment on the photo above.

Suffice to say that Elizalde was sent back to Mexico as not to be a further embarrassment to Mexico or the Olympics.

My heart yearns for you Elizalde! Oh yeah, tomorrow I'm going to the zoo!

Somebody Is Having A Worse Day Than Me!

2008-04-20T20:25:00.003-05:00

The Colonel (KFC) sure doesn't make 'em like this! They cooked it just how I like: crunchy on the outside - soft and chewy on the inside. Yummo.

I ordered the chocolate volcano for dessert. I can't wait to see how that turns out!

Big Buddha

2008-04-17T20:12:00.003-05:00

The Big Buddha butt restaurant is nicer than I thought. The appetisers were wonderful. A little heavy on the vegetables if you ask me, but I ordered the BBQ Chicken, which I assume will more than make up for it.
This is my waiter Hyundai. He carded me right off. Luckily he had never seen an Hawaiian drivers license before. I'm just sure I'm 25 in penguin years anyway. Tonight I'm drinking Yanjiig and some fancy import beer called ba-lite.

BBQ!

2008-04-15T16:14:00.002-05:00

Apparently the Chinese Big Boy restaurants not only have a different looking statue, but they don’t serve food either. What a rip-off. Now I am on a BBQ mission. To boldly go where no penguin has gone before… to … a wait a second. Oh, how did I miss that! The door is in the Buddha’s butt.

Stayed tuned for my review of the Buddha’s butt BBQ.